Mercy Filled my Life

When I kept silent it was miserable. I constantly felt the weight of God's hand pressing on me. Staying me where I was until I saw the ridiculous of my selfishness. It sapped all my energy and strength until I could hardly take a breath without it being painful. Then I confessed and opened my heart before the Lord. I showed him everything, even though I knew he had seen it all already.

God, I have put myself in a place of shame, I don't want even you to know of this thing that I carry. I have come to you over and over with this blast sin and yet I can;t seem to shake it when the temptation arises. I hate it, but the moments I am enticed I seem not to care and I ignore your presence. I am confused. I want you here. I want you to feel sorry for me and tell me everything is o.k. and that you have forgiven me. But i've been here before, at this place, this threshold of confessing and I know I deserve no such mercy. The sins I commit and the turning away from you in those fateful moment, they deserve no sympathy. They are nothing more than my slapping you in the face. The wages of sin is death, that is the only thing I should be looking forward to. But you give, whole heartedly, exactly that. Undeserved forgiveness, love, understanding from an abundant and mercy filled heart. 

Does my heart really desire you and this strange forgiveness you promise?

God, I am coming to you again. I don't want this sin anymore. I want what you have for me. Search my heart and weed out the footholds that the enemy has trenched in my life. Fill my life with your love. In Jesus name,

<3 Katie

Psalm 32:3-5

New International Version (NIV)

³ When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
⁴ For day and night
    your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
    as in the heat of summer.

⁵ Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
    my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
    the guilt of my sin.

Setting the Bar High

I don't know about guys but I know that girls (whether they like to admit it or not) have an unavoidable desire to be loved by someone.

If she is anything like me, she has come up with some standards that can look pretty unrealistic, but are they really?

Katie's List: He must be gentle, kind, honest, caring, a leader and a servant. I would like him to be thinking of me while spending his money, trying to make wise purchases and saving. If he was far away; I would like his finding a way to be near me, to be at the top of his list. I want to be so dear to his heart that he would fight and work his hardest to be by my side.

Are these unrealistic? Am I dreaming to hard? I don't think so.

I didn't make up an "impossible finds" list. I simply read Gods word. In Collossions it said that husbands should be gentle with their wives, so i should expect it before i am married too. Jesus gave up his comfort in heaven to be with who he loves and he continues to fight for her. He is even now preparing a place for her.

The sad thing is that our desire to be loved can become a stumbling block. We may settle for something less because someone says we are being ridiculous, or we are tired of waiting. We might become convinced that these men only exist in movies. But I am certain that a Christian man is capable of all of it and maybe even more. Of course I know that all fall short, so ladies, just remember God shows grace, so we should to. And another thing to remember is that guys make lists too.

Colossians 3:19

¹⁹ "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

Ephesians 5:25

²⁵ "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"

John 14:1-3¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Growing Pains!

Do you remember when we were young and our bodies were growing? Sometimes our muscles would ache constantly and we would toss and turn at night, or we would run into walls because we had gotten bigger without noticing it. We would pull something out of our drawer and find that it didn't fit us anymore, and have to throw it away. It is an exciting yet painful process sometimes!

Our heart and spirit in our walk with God is something of the same picture. We are constantly growing and striving to be like Christ. It aches and we loose sleep over it sometimes. We run into things we don't understand because our hearts have gotten bigger and we learn to be more careful. We pull things out of our life and look at it and we are faced with a decision: "do i throw it away or keep something that doesn't fit?"

It is an exciting process. Though, some of the things we pull we have become attached to, and we don't want to get rid of it. But if we keep it we create clutter. It might even get in the way or trip us. It is Painful, but we have to toss the bad habits and characteristics that don't fit us anymore.

Let Christ stretch you and make you strong. Let Him clothe you with His robe of love. God Bless!

Home Work: Clean out your dresser ;) I know i have some throwing out to do!