Mercy Filled my Life

When I kept silent it was miserable. I constantly felt the weight of God's hand pressing on me. Staying me where I was until I saw the ridiculous of my selfishness. It sapped all my energy and strength until I could hardly take a breath without it being painful. Then I confessed and opened my heart before the Lord. I showed him everything, even though I knew he had seen it all already.

God, I have put myself in a place of shame, I don't want even you to know of this thing that I carry. I have come to you over and over with this blast sin and yet I can;t seem to shake it when the temptation arises. I hate it, but the moments I am enticed I seem not to care and I ignore your presence. I am confused. I want you here. I want you to feel sorry for me and tell me everything is o.k. and that you have forgiven me. But i've been here before, at this place, this threshold of confessing and I know I deserve no such mercy. The sins I commit and the turning away from you in those fateful moment, they deserve no sympathy. They are nothing more than my slapping you in the face. The wages of sin is death, that is the only thing I should be looking forward to. But you give, whole heartedly, exactly that. Undeserved forgiveness, love, understanding from an abundant and mercy filled heart. 

Does my heart really desire you and this strange forgiveness you promise?

God, I am coming to you again. I don't want this sin anymore. I want what you have for me. Search my heart and weed out the footholds that the enemy has trenched in my life. Fill my life with your love. In Jesus name,

<3 Katie

Psalm 32:3-5

New International Version (NIV)

³ When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
⁴ For day and night
    your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
    as in the heat of summer.

⁵ Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
    my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
    the guilt of my sin.

The Hop Toad

Grandpa Frandsen has always been good at telling a story. He can take the most trivial thing and make it sound like your with Sherlock Holmes at 221B Bakers St. in London or fencing along side The Three Musketeers. Take yesterday morning for example (and mind you, my grandpa is in a wheel chair):
 "You can't believe what happened. I looked out side, and the storm was storming... The wind was winding... The rain was raining... The thunder was thundering... The lighting was lightning-ing... and that patio umbrella was twiiiirling! So I went out and closed it up so it wouldn't be carried away. And while I was coming back in, a little hop toad, hop! hop! came right in the door! It hopped, plop! Under the couch. And I chased it under the little table. And over by the bathroom door. Hop hop hop! It got away under the pile of movies. And then, wouldn't you know it, it hopped right back out the door. He didn't even use the door properly, he crawled right out the crack."
I've been reading the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller, (If you haven't read it I highly recommend) and in it he talks about the elements of story. Basically a story is "a character who wants something and is willing to overcome trials to get it." Miller is explaining that the essence of life is the same. That our life is a story. We shouldn't settle. We need to overcome trials. Preserver through hardship. Its not a crime to plan and to have goals and ambitions, because those things that make a good story are the things that make a good life.
Grandpa's story was simple but he had the element of a good story. He had an ambition and a trial to overcome. And it ended as a happily ever after, which we all love. Mostly, I guess, is I am reminded that we all like a good story, so why not make your life one that you can tell?

P.S. If you want to read the book. I would also recommend reading his book, "Blue like Jazz," first. Because "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," is kinda piloted by "Blue like Jazz."