Shocked, They Still Shall Be

I don’t know your opinion on visions or pictures or revelations from the Lord. But whatever your thoughts, I want to just ask you to consider this for a minute. I remember driving into the Bay area over the Benicia Bridge one particular time and seeing something. Something I had never noticed before, and that the naked eye would not recognize. I saw people. I looked at the city that I was approaching and I recognized that it was full of people. My eyes lead me beyond that city and I saw the neighboring cities and the neighboring multitudes of people.  But then I realized I was not looking at people at one given time, but multiple generations. Generations of people long past.  I realized in a moment that I was looking on the crowds and throngs of that day when all will stand before the throne of God. Imagine. It is going to be incredible; the world’s population a thousand times over; plus angels and demons.

More recently though, I thought about what those people and myself will feel and experience as we enter the throne room that judgment day. We will we be shocked. I’m not talking a feeling of  “awe,” here, but truly SHOCKED; shocked at who people truly are inside. I think we will be in more shock, and disgust with human kind, on that day, then we could ever be while living a day here in this mortal life. I pictured this:

             I’m entering the throne room of the Most High. It is beautiful, and radiant, streaming with light. I walk down the long glistening isle leading to the prosecution bench. I look out into the crowds and around; seeing the faces of every person I have touched in my life, back when I lived in a land of sunrises and sunsets. I see the ones I loved the most and those I shunned because I thought them not worth my time. I walk on, continuing forward. I am almost in a state of serial and I feel numb with the size of the room. Then, I see Him. I want to run. I want to stop. I want to laugh and dance and point and say to every one “ look! There He is!” I also want to cry, to hang my head and weep bitterly. Never in my days on earth had I felt such an emotion.

It is my turn to be tried. I look out from the bench raised above the chattering crowd. All of the most beloved and dear to me from life, seated in the front pews.

I can barley breath and heck no; I cannot turn my face to look at my King, My God, my First Love. There is then a motion to have my charges read to the crowd. As they begin, my gut leaps into my throat.

This can’t happen! NO!

 I can’t bare to hear those things again that I regretted, and tried to forget, or hide. Now they will all know. It is ALL there. Every lie; every curse; every lustful thought; every slap in Jesus face; every person I rejected; all of the un-pure thoughts and actions; every thing is out. And the people watching and listening in the crowd will be shocked.

They will all look at me wondering how or why. Why they where the object of my malice, or lust, or gossip. Or some will be wondering how I could have hid that information from them. Some will look at me in disgust. Mom will be crying right in the front. Her head bent. Weeping into her hands. Dad will be sitting in his seat; leaned over looking at the floor with his hands grasping his temple. I will be alone in the throngs of a multitude. My heart will regret again.

 In that moment, I will have nothing and no one to stand beside me. And every heart apart from mine will be shocked.

 The One who is Judge over us begins to decree the sentence that is due me, but is suddenly interrupted, “She is mine, Lord! She is mine.” The voice so familiar and sweet, and turning I see a face I know and love. “This child accepted Your Gift to her, Father. She shall walk with me in Your Kingdom.” Then to me he will turn and say, “Your sins are forgiven because you believed in My name. Well done my child. Well done.”

And again the throngs in the crowd will be shocked. They new, that is what Jesus does. Yet shocked, they still shall be. 

Mercy Filled my Life

When I kept silent it was miserable. I constantly felt the weight of God's hand pressing on me. Staying me where I was until I saw the ridiculous of my selfishness. It sapped all my energy and strength until I could hardly take a breath without it being painful. Then I confessed and opened my heart before the Lord. I showed him everything, even though I knew he had seen it all already.

God, I have put myself in a place of shame, I don't want even you to know of this thing that I carry. I have come to you over and over with this blast sin and yet I can;t seem to shake it when the temptation arises. I hate it, but the moments I am enticed I seem not to care and I ignore your presence. I am confused. I want you here. I want you to feel sorry for me and tell me everything is o.k. and that you have forgiven me. But i've been here before, at this place, this threshold of confessing and I know I deserve no such mercy. The sins I commit and the turning away from you in those fateful moment, they deserve no sympathy. They are nothing more than my slapping you in the face. The wages of sin is death, that is the only thing I should be looking forward to. But you give, whole heartedly, exactly that. Undeserved forgiveness, love, understanding from an abundant and mercy filled heart. 

Does my heart really desire you and this strange forgiveness you promise?

God, I am coming to you again. I don't want this sin anymore. I want what you have for me. Search my heart and weed out the footholds that the enemy has trenched in my life. Fill my life with your love. In Jesus name,

<3 Katie

Psalm 32:3-5

New International Version (NIV)

³ When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
⁴ For day and night
    your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
    as in the heat of summer.

⁵ Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
    my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
    the guilt of my sin.

Diamond in the Rough

I am certain that the past few days there have been moments spent with my Grandparents that I will treasure in my heart till beyond the day I die.
It all started (at least were I can pin point it) with a friend asking if I had read the Pilgrims Progress. I had not, so another friend let me borrow one of her copies. While I was sitting with my grandparents I pulled the book out and showed my grandpa what I was reading and he encouraged me to read it aloud. I am certain my life will never be the same. The beginning of a journey that I wouldn't triad for all the riches of this world because I know that what i am learning is far more valuable.

Proverbs 20:15

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.

The version of Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan is supposedly an abridged children's addition copy righted in 1895, complete with illustrations. Absolutely incredible pieces of art, beautifully detailed, and greatly enhancing the story. The written language of Bunyan's time being the old english and King James Bible style made reading the story a tad bit confusing. With great long words loaded with meaning and incredible analogies of a Christians walk with Christ. I find it very ironic that it was written for grade school children and now days you probably wouldn't see something like that till you got to a four year college.

So, I began to read, with my very own, personal, commentator, Leroy Frandsen. Through every deep analogy and dead word that stumbled my pebble brain, I had grandpa right there to explain to me what it meant. When something fascinated or amazed me, grandpa was right there to discuss it and ponder with about it; and we praised our heavenly father together over what we were reminded of. The farther along in the story we got, the more I asked questions even if i already understand. Thinking, perhaps he can show me more. There was suddenly a desperate scramble to glean what wisdom he would drop. A precious moment that I wished could have continued forever. Proverbs 4:13

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.

If you are befuddled to know why in thunder pants I would make such a fuss about this I want to encourage you to fuddle about it more. Consider what the reality of our world is today: I told the dietitian at the rehab center what a good time we were having reading and she told me her parents didn't talk to her, so her kids would never experience anything close to it.

That, is the world we live in.

The book by itself is amazing and I would greatly suggest reading it, but sharing it with such a man is... to great for words... it's like God gave me a glimpse of heaven in that moment. Grandpa is truly a rarity among men. Those that meat him can't help but see his worth.

I am looking forward to finishing the story with him this weekend!

Setting the Bar High

I don't know about guys but I know that girls (whether they like to admit it or not) have an unavoidable desire to be loved by someone.

If she is anything like me, she has come up with some standards that can look pretty unrealistic, but are they really?

Katie's List: He must be gentle, kind, honest, caring, a leader and a servant. I would like him to be thinking of me while spending his money, trying to make wise purchases and saving. If he was far away; I would like his finding a way to be near me, to be at the top of his list. I want to be so dear to his heart that he would fight and work his hardest to be by my side.

Are these unrealistic? Am I dreaming to hard? I don't think so.

I didn't make up an "impossible finds" list. I simply read Gods word. In Collossions it said that husbands should be gentle with their wives, so i should expect it before i am married too. Jesus gave up his comfort in heaven to be with who he loves and he continues to fight for her. He is even now preparing a place for her.

The sad thing is that our desire to be loved can become a stumbling block. We may settle for something less because someone says we are being ridiculous, or we are tired of waiting. We might become convinced that these men only exist in movies. But I am certain that a Christian man is capable of all of it and maybe even more. Of course I know that all fall short, so ladies, just remember God shows grace, so we should to. And another thing to remember is that guys make lists too.

Colossians 3:19

¹⁹ "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

Ephesians 5:25

²⁵ "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"

John 14:1-3¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Growing Pains!

Do you remember when we were young and our bodies were growing? Sometimes our muscles would ache constantly and we would toss and turn at night, or we would run into walls because we had gotten bigger without noticing it. We would pull something out of our drawer and find that it didn't fit us anymore, and have to throw it away. It is an exciting yet painful process sometimes!

Our heart and spirit in our walk with God is something of the same picture. We are constantly growing and striving to be like Christ. It aches and we loose sleep over it sometimes. We run into things we don't understand because our hearts have gotten bigger and we learn to be more careful. We pull things out of our life and look at it and we are faced with a decision: "do i throw it away or keep something that doesn't fit?"

It is an exciting process. Though, some of the things we pull we have become attached to, and we don't want to get rid of it. But if we keep it we create clutter. It might even get in the way or trip us. It is Painful, but we have to toss the bad habits and characteristics that don't fit us anymore.

Let Christ stretch you and make you strong. Let Him clothe you with His robe of love. God Bless!

Home Work: Clean out your dresser ;) I know i have some throwing out to do!