Mercy Filled my Life

When I kept silent it was miserable. I constantly felt the weight of God's hand pressing on me. Staying me where I was until I saw the ridiculous of my selfishness. It sapped all my energy and strength until I could hardly take a breath without it being painful. Then I confessed and opened my heart before the Lord. I showed him everything, even though I knew he had seen it all already.

God, I have put myself in a place of shame, I don't want even you to know of this thing that I carry. I have come to you over and over with this blast sin and yet I can;t seem to shake it when the temptation arises. I hate it, but the moments I am enticed I seem not to care and I ignore your presence. I am confused. I want you here. I want you to feel sorry for me and tell me everything is o.k. and that you have forgiven me. But i've been here before, at this place, this threshold of confessing and I know I deserve no such mercy. The sins I commit and the turning away from you in those fateful moment, they deserve no sympathy. They are nothing more than my slapping you in the face. The wages of sin is death, that is the only thing I should be looking forward to. But you give, whole heartedly, exactly that. Undeserved forgiveness, love, understanding from an abundant and mercy filled heart. 

Does my heart really desire you and this strange forgiveness you promise?

God, I am coming to you again. I don't want this sin anymore. I want what you have for me. Search my heart and weed out the footholds that the enemy has trenched in my life. Fill my life with your love. In Jesus name,

<3 Katie

Psalm 32:3-5

New International Version (NIV)

³ When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
⁴ For day and night
    your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
    as in the heat of summer.

⁵ Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
    my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
    the guilt of my sin.

The Hop Toad

Grandpa Frandsen has always been good at telling a story. He can take the most trivial thing and make it sound like your with Sherlock Holmes at 221B Bakers St. in London or fencing along side The Three Musketeers. Take yesterday morning for example (and mind you, my grandpa is in a wheel chair):
 "You can't believe what happened. I looked out side, and the storm was storming... The wind was winding... The rain was raining... The thunder was thundering... The lighting was lightning-ing... and that patio umbrella was twiiiirling! So I went out and closed it up so it wouldn't be carried away. And while I was coming back in, a little hop toad, hop! hop! came right in the door! It hopped, plop! Under the couch. And I chased it under the little table. And over by the bathroom door. Hop hop hop! It got away under the pile of movies. And then, wouldn't you know it, it hopped right back out the door. He didn't even use the door properly, he crawled right out the crack."
I've been reading the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller, (If you haven't read it I highly recommend) and in it he talks about the elements of story. Basically a story is "a character who wants something and is willing to overcome trials to get it." Miller is explaining that the essence of life is the same. That our life is a story. We shouldn't settle. We need to overcome trials. Preserver through hardship. Its not a crime to plan and to have goals and ambitions, because those things that make a good story are the things that make a good life.
Grandpa's story was simple but he had the element of a good story. He had an ambition and a trial to overcome. And it ended as a happily ever after, which we all love. Mostly, I guess, is I am reminded that we all like a good story, so why not make your life one that you can tell?

P.S. If you want to read the book. I would also recommend reading his book, "Blue like Jazz," first. Because "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," is kinda piloted by "Blue like Jazz."

Diamond in the Rough

I am certain that the past few days there have been moments spent with my Grandparents that I will treasure in my heart till beyond the day I die.
It all started (at least were I can pin point it) with a friend asking if I had read the Pilgrims Progress. I had not, so another friend let me borrow one of her copies. While I was sitting with my grandparents I pulled the book out and showed my grandpa what I was reading and he encouraged me to read it aloud. I am certain my life will never be the same. The beginning of a journey that I wouldn't triad for all the riches of this world because I know that what i am learning is far more valuable.

Proverbs 20:15

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.

The version of Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan is supposedly an abridged children's addition copy righted in 1895, complete with illustrations. Absolutely incredible pieces of art, beautifully detailed, and greatly enhancing the story. The written language of Bunyan's time being the old english and King James Bible style made reading the story a tad bit confusing. With great long words loaded with meaning and incredible analogies of a Christians walk with Christ. I find it very ironic that it was written for grade school children and now days you probably wouldn't see something like that till you got to a four year college.

So, I began to read, with my very own, personal, commentator, Leroy Frandsen. Through every deep analogy and dead word that stumbled my pebble brain, I had grandpa right there to explain to me what it meant. When something fascinated or amazed me, grandpa was right there to discuss it and ponder with about it; and we praised our heavenly father together over what we were reminded of. The farther along in the story we got, the more I asked questions even if i already understand. Thinking, perhaps he can show me more. There was suddenly a desperate scramble to glean what wisdom he would drop. A precious moment that I wished could have continued forever. Proverbs 4:13

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.

If you are befuddled to know why in thunder pants I would make such a fuss about this I want to encourage you to fuddle about it more. Consider what the reality of our world is today: I told the dietitian at the rehab center what a good time we were having reading and she told me her parents didn't talk to her, so her kids would never experience anything close to it.

That, is the world we live in.

The book by itself is amazing and I would greatly suggest reading it, but sharing it with such a man is... to great for words... it's like God gave me a glimpse of heaven in that moment. Grandpa is truly a rarity among men. Those that meat him can't help but see his worth.

I am looking forward to finishing the story with him this weekend!