Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Shocked, They Still Shall Be


I don’t know your opinion on visions or pictures or revelations from the Lord. But whatever your thoughts, I want to just ask you to consider this for a minute. I remember driving into the Bay area over the Benicia Bridge one particular time and seeing something. Something I had never noticed before, and that the naked eye would not recognize. I saw people. I looked at the city that I was approaching and I recognized that it was full of people. My eyes lead me beyond that city and I saw the neighboring cities and the neighboring multitudes of people.  But then I realized I was not looking at people at one given time, but multiple generations. Generations of people long past.  I realized in a moment that I was looking on the crowds and throngs of that day when all will stand before the throne of God. Imagine. It is going to be incredible; the world’s population a thousand times over; plus angels and demons.
More recently though, I thought about what those people and myself will feel and experience as we enter the throne room that judgment day. We will we be shocked. I’m not talking a feeling of  “awe,” here, but truly SHOCKED; shocked at who people truly are inside. I think we will be in more shock, and disgust with human kind, on that day, then we could ever be while living a day here in this mortal life. I pictured this:
             I’m entering the throne room of the Most High. It is beautiful, and radiant, streaming with light. I walk down the long glistening isle leading to the prosecution bench. I look out into the crowds and around; seeing the faces of every person I have touched in my life, back when I lived in a land of sunrises and sunsets. I see the ones I loved the most and those I shunned because I thought them not worth my time. I walk on, continuing forward. I am almost in a state of serial and I feel numb with the size of the room. Then, I see Him. I want to run. I want to stop. I want to laugh and dance and point and say to every one “ look! There He is!” I also want to cry, to hang my head and weep bitterly. Never in my days on earth had I felt such an emotion.
It is my turn to be tried. I look out from the bench raised above the chattering crowd. All of the most beloved and dear to me from life, seated in the front pews.
I can barley breath and heck no; I cannot turn my face to look at my King, My God, my First Love. There is then a motion to have my charges read to the crowd. As they begin, my gut leaps into my throat.
This can’t happen! NO!
 I can’t bare to hear those things again that I regretted, and tried to forget, or hide. Now they will all know. It is ALL there. Every lie; every curse; every lustful thought; every slap in Jesus face; every person I rejected; all of the un-pure thoughts and actions; every thing is out. And the people watching and listening in the crowd will be shocked.
They will all look at me wondering how or why. Why they where the object of my malice, or lust, or gossip. Or some will be wondering how I could have hid that information from them. Some will look at me in disgust. Mom will be crying right in the front. Her head bent. Weeping into her hands. Dad will be sitting in his seat; leaned over looking at the floor with his hands grasping his temple. I will be alone in the throngs of a multitude. My heart will regret again.
 In that moment, I will have nothing and no one to stand beside me. And every heart apart from mine will be shocked.
 The One who is Judge over us begins to decree the sentence that is due me, but is suddenly interrupted, “She is mine, Lord! She is mine.” The voice so familiar and sweet, and turning I see a face I know and love. “This child accepted Your Gift to her, Father. She shall walk with me in Your Kingdom.” Then to me he will turn and say, “Your sins are forgiven because you believed in My name. Well done my child. Well done.”
And again the throngs in the crowd will be shocked. They new, that is what Jesus does. Yet shocked, they still shall be. 

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Mercy Filled my Life


When I kept silent it was miserable. I constantly felt the weight of God's hand pressing on me. Staying me where I was until I saw the ridiculous of my selfishness. It sapped all my energy and strength until I could hardly take a breath without it being painful. Then I confessed and opened my heart before the Lord. I showed him everything, even though I knew he had seen it all already.

God, I have put myself in a place of shame, I don't want even you to know of this thing that I carry. I have come to you over and over with this blast sin and yet I can;t seem to shake it when the temptation arises. I hate it, but the moments I am enticed I seem not to care and I ignore your presence. I am confused. I want you here. I want you to feel sorry for me and tell me everything is o.k. and that you have forgiven me. But i've been here before, at this place, this threshold of confessing and I know I deserve no such mercy. The sins I commit and the turning away from you in those fateful moment, they deserve no sympathy. They are nothing more than my slapping you in the face. The wages of sin is death, that is the only thing I should be looking forward to. But you give, whole heartedly, exactly that. Undeserved forgiveness, love, understanding from an abundant and mercy filled heart. 
Does my heart really desire you and this strange forgiveness you promise?
God, I am coming to you again. I don't want this sin anymore. I want what you have for me. Search my heart and weed out the footholds that the enemy has trenched in my life. Fill my life with your love. In Jesus name,

<3 Katie

Psalm 32:3-5

New International Version (NIV)
When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
    your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
    as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
    my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
    the guilt of my sin.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

How did I loose my own Grandma????

Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"
HAHA I say Amen to that... especially after searching through an entire FOUR stories of the Shasta Regional Hospital for my grandmother!

We arrived at the Hospital at 11am to go sit and be with grandpa. Since it was pelting down snow, and there was not one nearby parking spaces available, I figured I better drop grandma off at the front and go park in the parking garage.
So pulled to the entrance and tried to make it very clear to her that she was going to go in and wait. I would come in after parking the car, then we would go up to grandpa's room... together! So.. she got out and I drove to the parking garage. I go down... all reserved. I go up... figures.. every person and his cough is at the hospital today. After eight and a half minutes I find a convenient handicapped spot on the top of the garage near the elevator! YAy for broken legs :P! But, by this time I am getting a little ... I hate to say it... anxious... because i have now been away from grandma for 10 minutes.
11:10 am I crutch across the sleet covered ground; go in, and scan the foyer. . . .... 11:15am "Katie?.. what are you thinking??? Of course Grandma is not here. She is distraught and be-muddled with worry for grandpa! How in the world could you expect her to remember that she was supposed to sit and wait?"
So yeah... that is how I lost her.
Philippians4:5
"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
That verse is really easy to read, but have you ever tried it? The prayer part is easy enough, "Dear God!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please oh please oh please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let her be inside this building and not outside!"
But that prayer says all over it "ANXIOUS!!!!"

I Asked the receptionist if she had seen her... no! 11:20 I asked in wound care (where they visit every week for my grandpa) Nope! 11:30 I check in with grandpa... Nada :( ...Oh my!!!

Very much premeditating my search tactics I get in the elevator with another woman and descend. Not really all there I mention to the woman, "I just lost my grandma and I don't know what to do."
She responds "Aww... I know its hard. I just lost my grandmother last month and today my grandpa is having surgery."
- gag... can't believe I am so clumsy sometimes. Oops... I did just open that ladies fresh wound... great... way to go katie.
Me: "Oh... I am sorry... I meant she is missing... here in the hospital... wondering." ... :/

At 11:35 I head to the nearest telephone, pick up the receiver, push 0 and get a hold of the hospital ... I need reinforcements.
Operator: "How can I help you today?"
Me: "Ah, yes...I am looking for my grandma?"
Operator: "I will look up her room number, what is her name?"
Me: "Um, Barbra, but she doesn't have a room, she is wandering somewhere and I can't find her."
Operator: "OH!!... Umm... I will call security and have them searching for her. What is she wearing?
Me: "uuum an orange shirt... and a black sweater!

So now 11:40 :D I have the entire hospital staff ...searching for my grandmother! Though... I must have not been all that clear on description. One lady out of a small group saw me, and her eyes got really wide and she pointed at me and said to her comrades; "There she is! Hey! I found her!" and to me, "Hello! Are you lost?"
I smile, look down at my GREEN shirt and say, "No! I am looking for my grandma!"

11:50 Turn a few more corners in the hospital. 12pm Hear a gentleman nurse tell someone he found someones grandma! I complete a HUGE sigh of relief and ask, "Oh! Did you say you found her?"
Nice Nurse: "Yeah I found her huffing and puffing on the 2nd story, is she yours?"
Me: "Yes! Where is she?"
Nice Nurse: "I wheeled her in this chair to your grandpa's room! You look warn down can I give you a lift?"
Me: " That would be great! I am exhausted!"

12:10pm I arrive back in grandpa's room. Grandma is sitting in there clearly beaming with happiness being near his side! She sees me and says; " Oh! Here is our little princess! How did I get here before you?"
Haha... So there you have it!!! God Is good! I love Him dearly!!!
God Bless